A funny thing happened the there day. It was pretty insignificant, really. But my first thought was, “Oh my God, I have to text…” and in the place where you would insert a name, my mind thoroughly drew a blank. I had no idea who I would text with this news, no idea who would laugh along with me at the oddness of it all.
As we progress in our significant romantic relationships, it’s only natural that our time with our friends diminishes and our “others” take the place of our best friends and most trusted confidants. Add in a kid (or multiple kids) on one (or both sides) and its seemingly impossible that mutual time can be made available. Thus the friendships break down even further, and personal contact is replaced with random texts and the like, promises of “we need to get together soon” and “I miss you”, until you feel awkward even texting with your random odd news, unsure and afraid that they won’t even understand.
I just know I miss my friends.
And I know that I am *at least* half to blame. I am terrible at keeping contact with people. If we feel like going the psychoanalysis route, to make a long story short, I tend to push people away, choosing to reject them before they can reject me (which I am absolutely, unequivocally sure they are going to do). This was even confirmed today by a book I read about my birthday and being an Aquarius, so this is obviously scientific fact now. The lack of confidence in my friendships even goes so deep as to HATE to invite people out or over. I don’t want them to feel obligated and I know I’ll feel even worse if they don’t come. So instead I sit and wait for my friends to invite ME to do things.
Yes, I know this is stupid. Yes I know I am 37 and am acting like a 14 year old. But the truth is the truth.
True, I have work friends. We text about work stuff and funny family anecdotes. We occasionally meet up for after work drinks or other events, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same as finding those people who know you below the surface, those who have not only seen you go through hell, but have also gone through it with you. Those you can say just one word to and have them cracking up. Those who have motivate you, and inspire you, and love you for who you are…even if you’re a psycho that constantly fears rejection.
I know I have a person who loves me. I know I have my brothers and family members. But sometimes, I just really miss my friends.