Ctrl+Alt+Delete

“And we’ll all float on, ok.  And we’ll all float on any way.”  ~Modest Mouse

I don’t know about you, but technology has kind of screwed me.  I now have more instant access to things and waiting, patiently (on not so patiently in my case) has become harder.  I feel as if I want to constantly simplify my life and problems, but not really in a good way.  Somethings not working?  Turn it off and turn it back on.  Hit the restart button.  Push “control-alt-delete”.   Because these techniques usually give wonderful, and instantaneous results, I daydream about using them in my every day life, with “real” problems.  Then I get sad, because I know I can’t.

I sometimes feel like I desperately need to restart.  Some button I could push when I’ve hit a glitch within my life that I really don’t feel like dealing with. It could be a crappy day, or week, or even just an ill timed decision.  Other times, I feel like I want to go back to the beginning, ALLLLLLLLLL the way back, and try again.  Take a different path, change that one choice that I believe, somehow, changed the entire face of my existence.

I, of course, know this is not possible.  I can’t just restart and make a different decision.  There are no do-overs in real life.  I try to teach my kids and students that there are second chances, you always have the opportunity to make a better, or different choice.  But should I be teaching them that?  Is there always another opportunity?  Should I instead be teaching them to live with the consequences, good or bad, of each decision that they make?

Even if that is the case, I don’t know if I could teach that.  I need there to be hope, and dreams, and that wonderful feeling that there is something MORE out there.  I need it in me, and I sure as hell need it in my kids.

I feel as if I have come to a crossroads; the whole Robert Frost fork in the road, which path should I take kind of dilemma.   The time has come for me to either make a change or be content with what I’ve got.  This being in between  pining for both ways is not healthy.  Let’s be real.  The reason I am not making a choice is because without making one, I can’t fail.  I want it all.  I don’t want to make decisions and I definitely don’t want to make the wrong choice.

I saw this postcard on post secret.  The original sender meant this as a message for those being abused to leave their relationships.  But I got a different meaning out of it.

photo

I think what I saw was a sign as well, but a sign that it is ok to leave mediocrity behind.  It’s ok to leave what I know when I have no clue what the other choices hold.  It’s time for me to take chances, failures be damned.  While my small picture may change, the big picture will still be there, waiting for my next move.

No matter what decision I make the world will still be turning.

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