“God could not be everywhere, and therefor he made mothers.” ~Rudyard Kipling
I feel like I should start this post with a disclaimer. We celebrate mother’s day in my household. I make my husband buy gifts for his mom and I make my kids buy gifts for their “grammy”. While I don’t actually expect gifts, I do hope that everyone could just be a little nicer, quieter and cleaner just for this one day. With that being said I am not a very big fan of this holiday, and I’m a mom.
Some might say the reason I don’t really get into mother’s day is that I must not have a very good relationship with my mother. And that’s the truth, I don’t. My mom always had other things to worry about, more pressing engagements to attend to, more important life moments to get involved in. I’m pretty sure I was resented for being born and messing up the life she could have had. I also wasn’t a very good child, or a very pretty child, or really that extraordinary in any way. I tended to blend in and shy away from attention while my mom tried her best to shine. My brothers, all of them, were always closer to her. Maybe they understood her better than I could. Maybe she understood them better than she could me.
This is not the part where you feel sorry for me. Everything that happened to me growing up shaped who I am today. Sometimes people have personality conflicts, and while we think there is always a bong between a mother and a child that no one can break, it’s not true. I wasn’t abused, or neglected, or mistreated by my mother. I had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and someone always there to sign a permission slip when I needed. We simply never found a way to connect and that’s ok. We were so far opposite that we couldn’t even attract. Quite honestly, though, all of this is besides the point.
Now, all these experiences with my mom have completely shaped the way I “mother” my two little ones. I make sure I make them a priority while I still have a semblance of a life. I try to get interested in the things they are (I can name every Transformer and Thomas character) and share my interests with them. No matter if it’s been a bad day, good day, frustrating day, relaxing day, there is never a doubt that I love them and they love me. Being a mother is the thing I am the most proud of and my most important job. I work very hard to try and be the best mother I can be every day of my kid’s lives. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t, but I never stop putting forth the effort.
That brings me, in a very long winded way, to why I’m not a fan of Mother’s Day. Plain and simple, we should not choose to focus on the work and dedication of mothers on one day during the year. Mothers should be revered, loved, cherished every day. Mother’s don’t get a day off, not from the worry, love, guilt, frustration, exhaustion, and stickiness that is parenting. Not even on mother’s day.
I sometimes feel like giving mothers just a day (or dads just a day, or women and African Americans just a month) it gives us a reason to slack off the rest of the year. Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t love the beaded necklace my 4 year old made me, or don’t kinda expect breakfast in bed tomorrow, but why only this day that these things happen? Then again, I am a crazy mom. I even bought my kids gifts for tomorrow because frankly, without them, I wouldn’t be celebrating this day at all.
I really do hope everyone who reads this enjoys their mothers day, whether they are a mother or not. But remember to try, some random day in October, to call your mom (aunt, grandma, caregiver) up just to tell them you appreciate them and love them. Mother’s day is once a year, but a mother’s love is year round.