“This suspense is terrible.  I hope it will last.” ~Oscar Wilde

Did you ever lose that feeling?

You know the feeling I’m talking about…that “looking forward to something” feeling.

To me, that was always the best feeling in the world and it seems to have disappeared.

Even with something as trivial as a television show or a book, the feeling of yearning, wanting, and delayed gratification is always wonderful.  Here’s an example: I always stop watching a television show when the last season is about to air.  I never realized I did it until someone pointed it out.  I thought it was because maybe I got bored with the show and became too busy.  In reality it’s because I wasn’t ready for it to end; I wasn’t ready to have all the answers yet.  I wasn’t ready for the conflict to be resolved.

I have a friend who is single and has a crush on guy that we see at the gym.  I see the way her face lights up when she thinks about the possibilities of seeing him and how excited she gets.  And I get jealous.  Here I am, the girl with the husband and kids, which is what everyone is apparently striving towards, and I’m jealous of my friend who is trying to obtain what I already have.  What I’m really jealous about is the fact that I feel like she still has opportunities; the opportunity for a new love, the opportunity for a stole glance, the opportunity for excitement and the unknown, the opportunity for her path to change.

Maybe I’ve been feeling this void/emptiness/lack of hope because I feel like my path is set.  Things are going well.  And my stress level is low.  Do I really have no complaints or am I just becoming complacent?

Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m not asking for drama.  Just a little spark, a little glitter, a little pow. Something to make me feel special, or even simply to make me feel like I’ve got somewhere to go.

Something to give me a little hope…


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