- I’ve done many things in the past few months that I regret. Things I shouldn’t have done, things I shouldn’t have dabbled in. While they have made me not like certain aspects of myself, they have also brought me to where I need to be at this point, so my regrets really do have a positive outcome. I just need to stop thinking of these things as regrets and start thinking of them as stops along the way to fulfillment.
- Because of so many choices I have made over the past couple months, I feel like my family has been neglected. I realize, I’ve made the choice to neglect them, but it doesn’t stop the hurt I feel about making them second in my life. I need to do better. There is nothing else that I need to say. I simply need to be a better family member.
- Jealousy, especially the jealousy I have felt over the past few months, has eaten me alive at times. I have never really been a jealous person and I don’t know why it has been affecting me the way it does. Is my ego bruised? Am I feeling used? even more so, am I just feeling unimportant? I’m sure it is a combination of all of these factors, but I really hate feeling jealous of others. That whole feeling of thinking that if I were simply someone else my life would be better is bullshit. It doesn’t suit me well.
- I’ve been feeling kind of stupid (for lack of a better word) lately because I wasted SO MUCH TIME on people who rarely made the time for me. Why the hell did I do that? I have no idea, but really, I can’t believe my self-esteem would be so low as to need to validate my worth through others. Yet, that’s exactly what I did. I spent so much time making mountains out of mole hills. Making myself believe I was more important to people than I actually was, that I started to believe I was only as important as special as THEY made me out to be. How sad.
- It’s definitely time for a new job. I love working in education. I love working for the betterment of the families of East Baltimore (at least the ones that WANT to move forward) but I don’t know if the classroom is the place for me to be. I feel like I need to work for a non-profit, or start a non-profit, or something! But there has go to be something more than this. This can not be where my career ends up. I simply won’t let it.
I guess, except for the fact that I simply hate myself for not running this week, that’s it.
There are no words left, I feel like I’ve said them all. And I guess that’s better than them eating me up inside.