“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.” ~George Burns
So, yesterday my Couch 2 5K program changed from running 5 minutes to running 8 minutes. When I saw that I got scared. I felt like there was no way in the world I was going to be able to run for 8 minutes…twice! But, in the end I did it. I couldn’t believe it. I am very rarely impressed with myself, but I was pretty impressed when I could. It was even better when I realized that the longer I ran, the easier it got, even the up hill parts. I started to think that maybe I would be able to go for more that 8 minutes. Hey! Maybe I could even go for 10 minutes! I was on top of the world! I’ve got this!
For the first time ever, I actually felt like maybe I was really doing this; really becoming a runner. For the first time ever I didn’t feel like I wanted to die afterwards. For the first time ever I felt like maybe this was really the sport for me. Maybe this was my saving grace.
Then I opened my Couch 2 5K app to see what my run is supposed to be like tomorrow. Run 20 minutes. Run 20 minutes? Run 20 freaking minutes! Are you kidding me? Seriously? How the hell do you go from “run 8 minutes” to “run 20 minutes”?!?!?! Didn’t we leave out a few steps in this process? How about run 10 minutes? How about run 15 minutes? How am I supposed to do this?
What I realized, though, is that I am not actually afraid of doing the activity. I’m afraid of how I’ll feel
when if I fail. Will this make me lose focus? Will this make me depressed? Will this make me give up?
I don’t want these things to happen, and I know, deep down, that I will keep going, but I don’t want to get derailed again. I’m so tired of feeling like I can’t accomplish things in my life. I am so tired of getting knocked off my path only to have to restart and repeat things over and over again.
I get it. It’s mind over matter and I have to stop psyching myself out. I have to think positively.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to run the whole 20 minutes.
Maybe I’ll make it after all.