“We may encounter defeats, but we must not be defeated.” ~Maya Angelou
I guess I should start with the good.
I finally hit my 100 Mile Challenge miles. On Martin Luther King Day. I can’t believe I finally did it. So what do I do to celebrate? Made another challenge. Now instead of running and walking 100 miles, I plan on running 100 miles by the end of April. If I stick with the new training plan I’ve come up with, and it stops freaking snowing, it shouldn’t be a problem.
Also, I finally it my 5o pound mark. I have officially lost 50 pounds as of January 25 (the eve of my 33rd birthday). I can’t believe it. It has done nothing but motivate me to lose another 50.
Plus, I ordered new running clothes from Old Navy in my normal sizes. Which I now have to return because they are too damn big.
I have to admit, it doesn’t take a lot to make me feel defeated. More likely than not, it’s because I’m not used to failing. I usually don’t try things that I know I might fail and because I have such a deep seated fear of failure, I usually accomplish everything I set out to, no matter the cost. But on Wednesday, I went out for my run. It was supposed to be 2 miles, but after a mile I decided to call it quits. It was cold (as in literally 3 degrees), I was tired, I did over 3 miles on the elliptical at the gym the night before, and really, the list could go on and on. I probably could have kept going for that two miles, but I didn’t want to, so I didn’t. And for the rest of the evening, I was in a funk, mad at myself that I didn’t finish what I was supposed to.
And you know what? I haven’t been running since the night I quit early. This is what I always do. I do what I want to do, and don’t do things I don’t want to do. Plain and simple. It’s pretty selfish, if you think about it. I have trouble pushing myself past the comfortable. I have trouble pushing myself, period. I don’t like pain, I don’t like to feel uncomfortable so I do everything in my power to avoid it, whether that be in my workouts, at my job, or in my personal life. And because I don’t like to be uncomfortable and because I don’t like to fail, I don’t take risks. And I need to start.
So what does a girl who needs motivation and needs to take a big risk in order to push herself do? She signs up for a half-marathon.
Oh yes, you read that right. I signed up for the Baltimore Half-Marathon. 13.1 miles. At one time. In front of other people. With real runners who don’t “trot”. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to run the whole thing. I can’t even guarantee that I’ll finish.
And I’m sure people will laugh when I tell them. But I like a good challenge. And I’ve come this far.
Plus, you should see how motivated I am when people say I can’t do something…
So here’s a toast to new life choices, to challenges, to proving others wrong, and to simply proving to myself that I can do this.