“Life is tough, but so are you.” ~Unknown
Looking through old items on my phone a few days ago reminded me of just how tough last February was. I had just picked back up with my running and wasn’t impressed with my progress. It was very snowy and the kids and I were going stir crazy. I was an overly emotional wreck, which I chalked up to nothing and everything all at once.
Flash forward to this February…which hasn’t been much better. It’s been a month since I’ve run because I’m finding it close to impossible to run in the late stages of pregnancy. The weather hasn’t been that great and while I am enjoying my extra time off, I’m not enjoying my car continually needing work and the below zero temperatures that have kept us all indoors. And once again I have been an overall emotionally wreck, which, I wish I could chalk up to being super pregnant, but unfortunately I know that’s not the whole reason.
But now it’s a new month. With March comes the promise of sunnier days, *slightly* warmer weather, baby delivery, and simply a time of rejuvenation and starting over yet again.
I constantly feel like I’m starting over could be considered both a blessing and a curse. I have to keep starting over because in reality I keep failing. Promises and goals not kept, excuses constantly given, deals made and broken are all keeping me right where I deserve to be. I feel like I’m in a whole and I can can totally figure out how to get myself out of it, but I just don’t do it. I know it’s going to take work and discipline and self-sacrifice, but I am never consistent with any of these things.
On top of it all I really haven’t been able to run and it’s killing me. I use running as a form of therapy. It’s time for me to work out the problems in my head. It’s time for me to be alone (which is close to impossible when you are a Kindergarten teacher with a stay at home husband and two small children). It’s just a time for me to be completely and utterly myself and I haven’t had that in a while.
I understand, though, that the ability to start over is a blessing. Each new day gives me a chance to try my hand at my goals one more time. And each day I wake up thinking this is the day I’m going to make it work.
I need to stop making excuses. I need to readjust my goals until this baby comes. I need to readjust my goals period.
What do I want to accomplish? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do?
I need to process. I need time to think. I need to run.