“So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.” ~ Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
I had a different post I was going to write about tonight. I was going to post about the fact that today my kindergartener came home on “yellow” because he couldn’t focus at writing time. I was going to post about how my four year old thinks no one loves him anymore (in his words) because sometimes we are busy with the new baby. I was going to post about how Mike had class tonight so it was just me and the three kids and with the above mentioned factors and Charlie going through a growth spurt and for the first time in three weeks I started to think that maybe I couldn’t do this…
I was going to post about all these things and how they made me feel like a failure as a parent. Then, as I log into social media for the five minutes I have to breathe, I see the destruction that is Baltimore. I see the peaceful protests being marred by the loiters and the rioters. I see stores being burned to the ground and people being hauled off in ambulances. I see a newly constructed senior center being engulfed in flames less than two blocks from the school where I teach and I wonder if MY 25 kindergarteners are all right. All of this is hitting way too close to home and I feel the tightness in my chest start to rise.
And with that I realize that in the grand scheme of things being on “yellow” for one day is not the end of the world. And in 10 minutes Oliver will come to me for a hug and kiss and validation and be back to his normal self. And Charlie will finish her growth spurt and go back to my happy, adorable baby. And that none of this is catastrophic because we are all loved, and safe and ALIVE. All I want at this moment is to keep them home, little, and protected with me for as long as I can. I want to teach them about these moments while shielding their eyes and hearts from them at the same time.
This is exactly what I think as I turn off Twitter, rush upstairs, and hug all my babies a little tighter. Because right now, we are OK.