“One must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life.” ~Oscar Wilde
I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to push myself. I seem quite content at being complacent these days.
I’m supposed to be running a marathon in 5 months and I’m training for it like it’s a 5k, allowing myself to make excuses to cut runs short. I’d probably skip them altogether if it weren’t for this run streak.
I think maybe I’m not allowing myself to be serious about it so I have a reason to fail. That if I’m not ready for it I won’t have to do it. If I can’t finish it it’s because I wasn’t ready for it.
I think maybe I’m not allowing myself to be serious about this because I’m too concerned about what other people think. The whole “You’re training for a marathon? You?” pops into my head quite frequently when I imaginarily tell people about it.
I seem to always allow my life to be dictated by the thought of these “others”, people who I’m sure are judging me because I’ve probably judged them at some point. I try to be positive, but my thoughts are always so negative, especially the ones that I’ve directed at myself.
I need to remind myself that it’s OK to be serious about this and to take myself seriously. Even if no one else thinks so, I have to believe that I can do this.