Things have been good lately. Really good.
Yes. I’m still annoyed by my job. Yes. My kiddos drive me insane. Yes. There is never enough time, or money, or resources, or sleep.
But yet, things have been good.
We took all three kiddos on a walk around the neighborhood today. The boys ran ahead playing Pokemon Go and chatting with a neighbor friend who turns out to be in Ollie’s class at school. Charlie toddled. And fell. And begged to be picked up. And begged to be put down. We, as the grownups, meandered slowly, relishing in the fact that we live in a neighborhood where it’s ok that the kids run ahead of us and Charlie walks in the middle of the road.
There was an instant that I realized this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Not days, not months. Years. Probably 5 years if you want to put a number on it. And it was the most amazing feeling. Nothing extraordinary was happening at that moment or today, and yet, pure bliss.
And then after the bliss comes worry. Because this kind of happiness doesn’t stay. At least not for me. I’m half enjoying the bliss and half waiting for the other shoe to drop. That elusive shoe that’s always hanging in the background waiting. Waiting to swoop and and remind you that you’re fallible. That life is full of ups AND downs. To bring chaos to the stillness happening around you right now.
So we enjoy the happiness, but on our tiptoes. Scared to make too much noise. Scared to make any sudden movements. Because, as much as we want to believe that this kind of happiness, true and unadulterated happiness, is here to stay, we know that darkness is hiding in the shadows.
So we sit and wait until we hear it…the sound of that shoe hitting the ground.
And then we brace our selves.