Conundrum

No.  Not the wine.  Though it is very good.

I woke up to a tweet that today is the day the lottery for the NYC marathon opens.  For all of you thinking, “Oh great, here she goes again.” you’re probably right.  Why am I even contemplating this yet again?  Why put myself through something that I am just going to give up on and quit?  In all honesty, I have no idea.  I just know that when this time of year rolls around I get a little shiver of excitement up my spine.

A little backstory, if you please.

The NYC marathon is rather hard to get in.  There is a lottery system and roughly 16% of “regular” US residents that apply get in.  Some people have applied for years and year and never once gotten in.  I’ve applied for the NYC marathon lottery twice.  And both time was accepted.  The first time I applied I was pregnant with Charlotte and was hoping this could give me the edge I needed to get back into running post-baby.  Long story short…it didn’t.  A tumultuous summer and very rough fall had me stop running almost completely and I dropped out and chose not to use my guaranteed entry for the next year.

Last year I applied again, hoping it would be the kick in the pants I needed to get my absolutely horrifying wreck of a life back on track.  Obviously, since you are reading this it didn’t work.  I won’t justify it, but I went through hell last year and am just happy to come out alive and relatively unscathed.

The icing on the cake (mmmm…cake)… after all of this, I pretty much stopped running, stopped working out, and gained by almost all of the weight I initially lost.

So after quitting two times on this marathon, why am I sitting here contemplating it again?  I have no idea.  Maybe it’s the signs I’m seeing.

A few thoughts on the matter.

  1. I actually don’t have to apply to the lottery again this year.  Since I “dropped out” last year I actually have a guaranteed entry for this year.
  2. In that respect, I do have to pay again.  Almost $300.  While I don’t have an extra $300 just lying around to waste on a marathon, I do have exactly that much in my Digit Savings Account.  Is this a coincidence?  Is it a sign?
  3. Or maybe this is the sign.  My daily shine text for today: FullSizeR
  4. My life is a lot more put together this year.  A lot more.  And while my free time is basically non-existent, I do think I can make the training work.
  5. Speaking of training: the marathon is 42 weeks away.  Just by looking at it quickly I would have exactly enough time to start (again), the couch to 5K program, then complete the 5K to 10k program.  Then have 24 weeks to complete a marathon training plan.
  6. And yes, I realize that just because I complete the training plans doesn’t mean I’ll be very fast or anything.  Which is why I just googled the NYC marathon finish times and found that the slowest actual finisher was a female who finished in over 10 hours with a 24:35 minute pace. If she can do it, maybe I can also?

So, again, a conundrum.  I know I have time to figure it out.  One month to be exact.

Is this my year?  Is the third time a charm?  Are all the signs pointing to yes?  Is my personal life in enough of a working order that I can finally start doing something for me again?

Or am I naive and just basically flushing $300 down the drain?

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